Retirement

“What are you doing now that you are retired?”

People ask me that all the time. I suppose most who are not yet retired have genuine questions about what retirement is like. Those who think of me as a pastor and preacher are probably trying to re-conceive me now that I do not have those roles to define me. Those who think of retirement as constant golfing or fishing know that that’s not what I do. And most of us task-oriented Americans find it hard to identify ourselves apart from our work. That makes retirement difficult for many people to accept, for themselves or for others.

I address the pastor-preacher role by pointing out that I have served two churches as interim pastor since retiring, and I am open to doing more of that. I have even taken special training as an intentional interim minister with the Center for Congregational Health. I occasionally have opportunity to fill in for someone in the pulpit, but the supply of preachers in Nashville far exceeds the demand.

The question about recreation and pastimes I answer by noting that I go to the Y for exercise five days a week and have done some traveling including three cruises and two Road Scholar educational trips with my wife. I also love to read and collect books. I even sell some books on the internet as I sort through my library and attend local estate sales.

I also have three grown children and three grandchildren, one of whom comes to our house on a weekly basis. I enjoy having lots more time for family.

As for tasks to keep me busy, I don’t think I will ever get finished organizing and downsizing my substantial library and files from forty years of ministry. I also have a house full of possessions that need to be cared for or thrown away, and a house and yard that always need attention. Like most retirees I have so much to do that I don’t see how I ever had time to work at a job. Part of the problem is that we accumulate too many things and need to simplify. And part of the problem is Parkinson’s Law: The work expands to fill the time available. Another aspect of the problem is that, while there are many things to do, there are few deadlines and priories are not clear. The pressure is off, and it is hard to know which task to take up today and easy to put them off.

I also want to do some writing, at least I always thought I would do that. In fact writing is hard to do. I have written hundreds of sermons through the years, but there is not much market for published sermons unless you are a famous preacher. I have a lot of knowledge and some wisdom, but there are a lot people who have more than I have and know how to express it and get it published. I still may attempt a book, but more likely I will blog and write an occasional article for some publication or website.

The matter of teaching is somewhat similar. Since graduate school I have had a fantasy that someday, maybe when I retired, I would teach in a college or seminary. I was even considered for a seminary teaching position twice and actually could have had one of those jobs, but the timing and circumstances were not right. I think I have a lot I could teach young candidates for the ministry. But here again, there are a lot of people who can do it better, and today’s students require a lot more to gain and keep their attention that we did years ago.

All in all, I am very happy in retirement. I have never needed a lot of people around to make me happy. I enjoy time alone and with my family. I don’t feel the need to prove myself by turning out accomplishments at this stage. I love to read and have a sizable personal library, a great public library, and a couple of university libraries within a few miles. I am blessed with good health, though I do have more doctors and pills as the years go by. As a healthy seventy-five-year-old I can expect to live quite a few more years.  I am in pretty good shape financially. As a minister with a teacher spouse, we never made much money, but we watched our pennies, saved, and invested, so we do not have to worry about that.

On the other hand, I have realized of late that I am in a new phase of retirement after six years. I am finally feeling the weight of it. I have had time to think about it and to see the downside. I do feel some frustration over not accomplishing much that is meaningful to others. I have had a hard time being a church member after being a pastor all my adult life. I chose to continue as a member of the church I served as pastor. Many experts on church and ministry consider that a mistake, and I am now considering the likelihood that they may be right. I am not currently doing much to help anyone.

I am also feeling the challenge of being a growing Christian in the later stages of life. I believe aging can be a spiritual journey, but it is not an easy one. Erik Erikson describes the task of the final stage of life as developing integrity versus despair, to look back on your life with a feeling of contentment, to say, It is OK to have been me. I think I am on track with that, but I am not finished. For the person of faith the task is to trust God more than ever and rest gratefully in God’s love while still sharing it with others.