We were always
suspicious of secular experiences of spirituality—finding God in nature,
poetry, drama, music, --because they did not focus on Christ as the way to God.
Very emotional experiences, such as in Pentecostalism, were suspect because
they could not be controlled within the confines of our standards of doctrine
and behavior. Classical mysticism was closed to us because it was associated
with Catholicism. Even Protestantism, as I appreciatively found it revised by
Karl Barth, rejected mysticism in favor of the Word.
As I grew older
and learned more, I realized that my piety and my theology were too limited. As
I reached my eighties and now face prostate cancer, I have begun to seek
something I had been missing. I have long anchored my faith in trusting God.
There is much we—and I—do not know. I don’t know how I will face suffering as
health declines. I do not know very specifically what will happen when I die,
or what lies beyond death except in general terms based on symbolic language in
the Bible. But I can accept the unknown because I really do trust God. I know
that the ultimate power over all things is the loving father revealed in
Christ.
What I want at
this point is to know God and to experience God in a personal way. This is the
desire expressed by the psalmist:
As a deer longs
for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts
for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?
(Psalm 42:1-2, NRSV)
--To
be continued in a future post
